Theodore

I struggled with seeing my own face as that of a man for the better part of two years after coming out; for a long time, I could only see a woman and I eventually reached a point where my face in the mirror just looked like a nondescript person to me. One day, my partner gave me a hug and I happened to be facing a small mirror on the wall. There, hugging my partner with a big grin on my face, was the first time I looked up and saw a man in the mirror. It was the first time that I felt like my transition was really going somewhere. Being able to see myself as a man has filled in some of the blank spots in my future. It is easier to imagine a life moving forward when I feel like myself in my own dreams.

Have a small group of transgender and queer friends has helped a lot, especially early on when I really needed someone to bounce ideas off of. My incredibly supportive cisgender partner, who identifies as mostly gay and demisexual, has been with me since only a few months after coming out. In a conversation where I was describing some of the medical elements of transition, he saw that I was nervous about his perception of me changing for the worse. So, he told me “Why would I have any issues with my boyfriend becoming actively more attractive to me over time?” He has stuck to that and been a source of constant affirmation and euphoria ever since. Of course, the help of medical transition is hard to overstate. I have been on testosterone for about 10 months now and it has been a huge part of why I am able to see myself moving forward through life as a man.